


Say You Won't Let Go

by labeautelivresque



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Drabble Collection, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 19:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10883208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labeautelivresque/pseuds/labeautelivresque
Summary: This is a collection of Victuuri drabbles posted to my Yuuri and Viktor roleplay blogs on Tumblr. The chapter titles correspond to the prompt that I was given.





	1. things you said when you were crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This drabble is canon divergent, based on episode 12. Yuuri and Viktor actually communicate after Yuuri suggests they end things.

          silence has descended between them, **& ** yuuri knows that it’s his fault. he’s made a mess of things, hasn’t he? he should have waited until after the free skate to tell viktor – but he hadn’t expected him to react like this. he thought he’d be **HAPPY**. viktor still has a season or two left in him; viktor _**wants**_ to come back, he’s sure of it, **& ** he can’t do that if he’s tied to yuuri.

            this was never meant to last forever.

            they turned out the lights ages ago, but yuuri is nowhere **CLOSE** to sleep. he stares at the ceiling, painfully aware of the silver-haired figure in the other bed, curled up on his side with his back to yuuri. the only indication that viktor is still awake is the glow of his cell phone; he’s been staring at it for over an hour. even if he was wearing his glasses, yuuri wouldn’t be able to make out **WHAT** viktor is looking at. he’s too far away.

            yuuri flops onto his side, hoping that a change of position might help him drift off. no such luck. he’s gotten too used to sleeping in the warmth of viktor’s embrace, or holding his hand – _touching_ in some capacity.

                    _**(** _ he doesn’t know how he’ll cope after tomorrow,  
                           how he’ll handle things returning to **NORMAL _)_**

            yuuri has come to think of his life as having two distinct parts: **BEFORE VIKTOR, & AFTER VIKTOR**. even those categories, he knows, aren’t quite accurate. viktor has always been there – _always,_ from the instant yuuri first set eyes on him. a grainy picture on a too-old television set in the back of ice castle.

            **BEAUTIFUL**. that’s what yuuri had thought, as he’d devoted every second of the program to memory. he was _beautiful_ , **& ** all he’d wanted from that moment onward was to skate on the same ice as viktor nikiforov. 

            so, maybe his life is really divided into **BEFORE VIKTOR SHOWED UP AT THE ONSEN** , **& AFTER VIKTOR SHOWED UP AT THE ONSEN**. before viktor turned his life upside down. before viktor had flashed that stupid heart-shaped smile **& ** knocked him off his feet **& ** made him incapable of imagining a life without viktor at his side. 

                     _ **(** _ he’s doing this for viktor’s own good.  
                           he doesn’t want him to go. **_)_**

            yuuri reaches out through the expanse of sheets between them _**(** _ the beds are still pushed together **_)_ & **lightly brushes his fingers against viktor’s shoulder. just one touch. it’s all he wants. the russian tenses, his phone clattering to the floor **& ** yuuri is out of bed in seconds, the silence finally broken by his profuse apologies. 

            luck seems to be on his side. the phone is fine, but it is yuuri’s turn to freeze as he retrieves it from the floor **& ** sees for the first time just what it is that viktor has been looking at so intensely. “–the banquet photos…” he swallows hard, feels the tears burning in his eyes **& ** tries to blink them away. he holds out the phone to viktor, but the other man makes no move to accept it. 

            now that he can see his face, yuuri realizes with a pang that viktor has been crying. _**(** _ he never meant to make him **CRY**. he thought this was what viktor wanted. he thought he wanted to compete again. why is he upset? **_)_**

“yuuri…” he forces himself to meet viktor’s eyes. “i don’t **WANT** this to end.” 

            yuuri shakes his head. “i saw you today – after the short program. after yurio…” it’s a struggle to push the words out. _**(** i don’t want this to end, either_ , he wants to say. _i can’t live without you. i’ve never been able to live without you._   ** _)_** “don’t you want to compete again? don’t you want to take back your record?”

            **& ** viktor laughs. actually _**laughs**_ , but it’s a hollow sound **& ** it makes yuuri feel sick. “don’t you understand that competing means **NOTHING** to me if you aren’t with me?” 

            yuuri doesn’t know what to say; he doesn’t understand what viktor means, can’t comprehend that he could mean as much to viktor as viktor means to him. he’s still holding the phone, still staring at a snapshot of the two of them dancing. 

            the more he stares at it, the more unreal the photo seems to become. is that really **HIM**? **& ** viktor – the viktor in this photograph, the viktor who’s lived with yuuri in hasetsu, the viktor who’s coached yuuri **& ** believed in yuuri **& ** made yuuri feel as though he’s **NOT ALONE** , for the first time in his life... it isn’t the same viktor that yuuri grew up watching in interviews, cheering on during competitions. that viktor had seemed cut from ice: cool, calm, collected. 

                    _**(** _ but not happy. he doesn’t think viktor was happy. **_)_**

the viktor in the banquet photos -- even the _**yuuri** _ in the banquet photos ** _!!_** \-- looks happy. “i love skating,” says viktor quietly. “i _**do**_. **& ** i won’t pretend that i wasn’t sad to see my record broken.   
                                                              -- _but i’d let yurio break **ALL** of my records  
                                                               if it meant i could stay with you_.”

            yuuri can’t sense a lie in the words; he’s not sure viktor could lie about something like that, even if he wanted to. “ _ **viktor**_...” it’s all he can say, **& ** the word comes out as a shaky sob that draws viktor to his feet. the phone is tossed carelessly onto the bed, **& ** then viktor’s arms are around him **& ** yuuri’s face is buried in the crook of his neck. _**(** i never wanted you to go_ , he wants to say, but he can’t form the words. it doesn’t matter. viktor knows. **_)_**

“does this mean i can stay, Любимый?” viktor asks, **& ** the question pulls a watery laugh out of yuuri. in response, he clings to viktor more tightly.

**_(STAMMI VICINO, NON TE NE ANDARE, HO PAURA DI PERDERTI_ _)_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! A like/reblog on Tumblr would be much appreciated. You can find the post [here](http://lovestrcnger.tumblr.com/post/160281342959/8-things-you-said-when-you-were-crying-victuuri).
> 
> And, of course, a comment/kudos is always appreciated! Much love to everyone!


	2. things you said that made me feel real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little insight into Viktor's perspective on his life before meeting Yuuri~

**_(_** **I MET YOU IN THE DARK _)_**

          viktor nikiforov is a lot of things.   
                                                              _**happy**_ has never been one of them.

            for as long as he can remember, his life has been devoted to **ONE THING** : skating. it _**consumes**_ him; he is nothing without it. he wakes each morning in an empty apartment, save for makkachin, **& ** heads to the rink. he returns alone, usually, or else with one-night stands whose names he can never remember who leave by dawn’s first light. 

            if this isn’t what life is _**supposed**_ to be like, viktor doesn’t know it. it’s all he’s ever known.

            he’s aware of – **SOMETHING**. a feeling he can’t name, but it’s ever present. makkachin eases it, sometimes. but there are some nights when it’s a gaping wound in his chest, **& ** he wonders if this is what it feels like to drown. he used to feel inspired; now, the post-competition interviews drain him. nothing he does is **SURPRISING** , anymore. 

                    _**(** _ when you’re on top of the world, there is nothing to do but _**fall**_.  
                         the gold around his neck may as well be an anchor, weighing him down. **_)_**

            he smiles for the cameras. he goes to the banquets, flatters the sponsors, lives his life as though nothing is wrong, because nothing **IS**. he’s the world champion. he’s a legend in his sport, he’s the envy of his competitors. 

            he’s not happy. but he can pretend that he is, **& ** if he pretends hard enough, he can almost make himself believe it. 

            until tonight – until he locks eyes with katsuki yuuri from across a crowded room **& ** it’s like he’s been suffocating all his life **& ** has only now come up for air. until he realizes, as they dance **& ** talk **& ** laugh together, that he’s not sure he’s ever felt this way before. with _anyone_. **ABOUT** anyone. 

                    **_(_** he thinks that he’d trade all of his gold medals  
                                     for one more night like this – for one more night with yuuri  ** _)_**

            he’s been sleepwalking through life. _**no**_ , he doesn’t think he’s been living at all. maybe he’s never truly lived until now – until yuuri is pressed flush against him, **& ** he’s gazing up at viktor as though he’s hung the moon, **& ** viktor is **CAPTIVATED**  by him. he can’t look away. he thinks he finally understands the message of _stammi vicino_. he doesn’t think that he’ll ever be able to let go of katsuki yuuri.

                    _**(** _ he doesn’t know what **LOVE** feels like, but he thinks it must be a lot like this **_)_**

“my family runs a hot spring resort, so please come! if i win this dance-off, you’ll become my coach, right? be my coach, viktor _ **!!**_ ” 

            he thinks of his cold, lonely apartment – **LONELY** , is that the word? – **& ** tries to imagine yuuri living there with him. it’s so _easy_ to do _**(** _ so easy, that it almost frightens him _**)**_. he envisions waking up with yuuri at his side. he imagines eating breakfast together, taking makkachin for walks. he evens thinks that coaching might not be so bad, if it means more time spent with yuuri. 

            viktor has had his moments in the sun; it’s someone else’s turn, isn’t it? “when this season ends… contact me?” yuuri’s eyes light up,  **& ** viktor melts.

**_(_ YOU LIT ME UP _)_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! A like/reblog on Tumblr would be much appreciated. You can find the post [here](http://livinglcgend.tumblr.com/post/160288249700/35-things-you-said-that-made-me-feel-real).
> 
> And, of course, a comment/kudos is always appreciated! Much love to everyone!


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